Chris and Kim peeing sitting down together
Let’s all men & women pee together the same way: sitting down.

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A stand-up n****, now you sit down to aim

– Jay Z in the song A Week Ago

It’s Time For Change

This idea was featured in our Unconventional Monthly, which shares one new curiousity-inducing, outside-the-box idea every month.

Girls, I’m about to make your day. 

Guys, you’re going to want to sit down for this (literally).

I’ve realized that for 30 years I’ve been making a mistake. But finally I’ve been enlightened and now, I invite all men out there to join me:

Gentlemen, it’s time for us to pee like women real men. It’s time to pee sitting down.

Missing the Point

“Aimers” (stand up pissers) out there who refuse to pee sitting down don’t know what they’re missing.

Actually, they probably do: the toilet. Show me an Aimer who says he never misses the toilet and I’ll show you a liar. It’s impossible. There are just too many variables. (Guys know what I’m talking about.)

Not only that, but even perfectly aimed streams are messy.

They create a fine mist of piss that missed. Though it can be invisible to the naked eye, the nose can’t miss the smell. And it accumulates, creating sticky floors and yellow porcelain. Nobody wants to deal with this, and we shouldn’t have to.

Speaking of things we shouldn’t have to do, say goodbye to the endless Up vs. Down toilet seat debate. Let the seat stay down forever more.

Can’t we all admit that picking up and putting down toilet seats was kind of gross anyways?

Toilet with seat up, which you'll never have to argue over again if you pee sitting down.
Sights like this—a toilet seat left up—may one day only be seen in anthropology museums.

Spraying Down the Counterarguments

Aimers might still argue, “Yeah, but it’s faster not to sit down.”

Maybe..

But if saving time when using the toilet is the argument, nobody better ever catch those same people hypocritically reading a magazine or checking their Instagram while dropping a deuce.

Standing up to pee may not even be faster anyway.

Sitting down to pee minimizes zipper-related delays (and risks) and eliminates the hassle of fingering around for the ever elusive (and sometimes inexistent) underwear slit.

Think about it this way:

When you’re on the verge of pissing yourself what do you do? You sprint to the toilet, tear down your pants, and pee bare-bottomed like a little kid. It’s the fastest way.

So keep it simple. Drop trou, turn around and pee sitting down.

An Easy Flow

Sitting is pleasant. Instead of having to focus on aiming, we Sitters get the rare opportunity to relax and enjoy the relief of emptying our bladders. Who couldn’t use an extra little break from a busy day?

The advantages of sitting are even bigger in the middle of the night. While Aimers ruin their circadian rhythms by having to turn on the lights to take 2 a.m. tinkles, Sitters are able to pee sleepily in pitch darkness and return immediately to blissful sleep.

Exceptions

With all this said, if there is a urinal, a tree, a disgusting public toilet, or a high bridge or cliff, it is undoubtedly advantageous to pee standing up.

This ability to adapt to various circumstances is one of the greatest gifts given to those of us lucky enough to be born as males.

Peeing sitting down protects your penis from renegade dick-snipping scissors, too. (Thanks to Karol from the ever-interesting comments for sharing this.)

Be A Man: Pee Sitting Down

A real man is clean, courteous, considerate, and lazy.

Sitting down to pee checks off every one of those criteria.

So if you’re a real man, give sitting down to pee a go. You may never want to stand up again.

And if you don’t want to take my word for it, maybe Larry David will convince you:

Are You Not Afraid to Try New Things?

Then join us to take an unconventional look at a new topic every month. Try it once. And if you don’t like it, we make it very easy to unsubscribe.

And Don’t Sit Down to Poo?

Now this may get confusing.

Not only do I recommend real men sit down to pee (at home, at least), but I also recommend we all—men and women—not sit down to poo.

I don’t mean poo standing up, though.

Squat.

Scientists have found that squatting instead of sitting reduces the chances of all sorts of problems like hernias, hemorrhoids, and constipation.

This video explains why:

Instead of ripping out my bathroom’s toilet to squat into a hole like a billion people do around the world, I got a Squatty Potty.

The Squatty Potty is a little stool that you slide out from under the toilet and put your feet on to let it all flow out more easily.

I’ve had hundreds of smoother poos thanks to it, so even though I’m a cheapass I consider it $25 very well spent. You can check it out here.

42 comments

  1. Bro if you can’t angle your stream at the side of the bowl and pee with no splashback or you wiggle your member like an out of control fire hose, sure go ahead and sit down. Men have been peeing standing up for millennia, you soy boy betas might have a little movement going but any man with healthy testosterone levels is going to tell you guys to take your pansy feminist urine theory and shove it.

    1. “Soy boy” is a good one. Thanks for introducing that to me Matt.

      One thing I’m wondering is how you got to this page. What’re you doing googling “peeing sitting down”? I have a feeling you may be just a little curious. I bet you even sat down to pee once when nobody was around. Don’t be ashamed. Join us.

  2. I must say this text amused me a lot 🙂 I have to note that I don’t have any problems to take a pee standing. I hit the toilet easily every time, even when I’m drunk as hell 🙂 Also I have to add that peeing sitting down takes away lots of fun 🙂 Have you ever peed from the high bridge while going home after hours and hours of partying and drinking or have you ever peed from the high cliff to a sea or an ocean in the middle of the night? Guess not when you’re so easily giving up that:) I have a mission to pee to every ocean in the world from at least 20 m height 🙂 I know this is stupid but it also gives me lots of fun at these moments. There’s only one ocean missing at this moment and it is Atlantic 🙂

    1. Micha, you’re totally right. I have updated the post to specify high cliffs and bridges as exceptions. Basically, when we’re in nature and free to pee wherever, we should wee freely.

      But not inside at home, sorry. Unless you are three feet tall and can barely get your hose over the toilet bowl (or have a three-foot long shlong), I don’t believe for a second you have 100% accuracy, though. Ask your mom or girlfriend or whoever’s had to clean your toilet for you.

      Best of luck with your inspiring mission. I even once considered making a travel blog called “Places I’ve peed from,” so I’m right with you.

    2. Stand or sit…..
      I piss like i choose to piss. One way or the other does not make you any more or any less of a man. Only the sexually insecure will think peeing while sitting makes you a girly-man. Hell, i’ve seen girls pee standing before that would put a man’s stream to shame.(peeled back,straight forward,long distance) Does that make her a “butch”? Is she not a “real woman” for doing so? Highly doubtful! So…. STFU with your BS Mark ! Mr manly man Mark Guilams must be very insecure in his manhood to think he should only piss while standing and never ever while sitting. I can do both while i am at my own home,and am very secure while doing so. Public urination is a whole different ball game. I Always stand and never sit on apublic toilet UNLESS its an emergency duce ! Even then i cover the seat. Be free ! Piss as you choose.

  3. this is great for all you guys who don’t have to clean the toilet, and who don’t seem to have any sense of smell. Every single time a man has peed standing up at my place, I can smell the urine.
    The argument that men have been peeing standing up for millennials is invalid, period. You’re disgusting.

    1. No Sam. YOU are disgusting, a disgusting excuse of a woman who doesn’t respect a man’s right to choose to urinate naturally. It’s bad enough there is an assumption that we should cater to women and put the seat down when we’re finished. Check yourself.

    2. You might be smelling the bin full of female hygeine products, Sam.

      Or the expired cosmetics all over the counter. Or the nasty in the drain. Or the stained, hole-ridden laundry in the hamper.

      Lawd knows ladies leave clumps of all sorts of nasty in the shower. Never put the lid on the toothpaste beside Chris’ Gillette razor, drops of blood on the floor they missed, the excess perfume a few days a month to cover their stank, and bla bla bla. At least urine is sterile!

      Glass houses.

      Can we remove the “stigma” of masculinity the way that women tried to remove the stigma of free bleeds? And above all, can we check the hypocrisy of whatever wave of feminism this is?

      And to Chris; travel blogger gets woke for traffic, doesn’t realise they’re blowing up on Dissenter. You attract the crowd you want to attract, man.

      Health advice usually works better when you’re not shouting down to your audience. You divided your readers for no good reason.

      Stick to travel, and consider making your site GDPR compliant. Users in the UK like myself could take issue.

  4. You’re such a ball less, cuck of a retard. Don’t got the balls to stand up? Too tired to stand up like a real man from all tat soy milkshake? Then pee sitting, like a bitch. Till then, normal, healthy, real men will piss like we always do. Fuck you and goodnight, sissy.

    1. Wow, if you say things like this about me just for peeing sitting down at home, I can’t imagine what you say about someone who does, you know, actually bad things.

  5. My cock is so huge it’s closer to the water when I stand than when you #metoo pussyhat boys sit down. Mind your own business and let us men piss in peace.

    1. In my defense, my dick’s so far from the water because the toilet bowl at my house is particularly high. It’s kinda weird that you know these things Jim….

  6. I guess if your genitalia is small enough to fit without touching the water this might work, but I’m not interested in dipping my junk in toilet water and spraying myself with nebulized piss to protect someone else’s delicate sensibilities, or on the whim of some pretentious twat

    1. Hmm, in your case then I agree. Either that or your toilet bowl has way too much water in it because it’s always full to the brim. You might want to try a plunger every now and again.

  7. If you’re sitting down, how do you check the colour of your urine to make sure you’re not dehydrated? And don’t say check the bowl as my wife uses those blue coloured tablets in the cistern. I think a healthy choice would be a combination of sitting and standing throughout the day.

    1. That’s quite the conundrum you’ve got there Roy! On the day the cleaner comes to our apartment every week I have the same issue, but I can normally smell a dehydrated pee over the scent of that blue stuff. Can’t you?
      In your case, it seems like your wife likes cleaning a lot, so maybe she won’t mind if you pee standing up will clean up immediately after anyway?

  8. Sitting and peeing is beneficial to a man’s prostate as the bladder is being emptied completely when in the sitting position. Standing does not completely empty the bladder which keeps a constant pressure on the prostate. By sitting and peeing the prostate has a chance to have no pressure on it and will possibly help in keeping it a more normal size.
    I learned this from my Anatomy & Physiology Prof in University. I raised my son as a sitter and my husband changed his ways as well. Recently, my husband (65) went for a physical exam and his doctor said he had the prostate of a young man.

    1. Thanks for the interesting tidbit, Lisa. From an evolutionary STANDpoint and from my own experience, claims that sitting down to pee does a better job at emptying the bladder doesn’t seem to make sense. But if it’s true, I’m glad it is!

  9. Another self-indulgent lost millenial soy, whose wife gets satisfied by other men. What is with you people? You are completely lost, you aren’t happy and you’re kidding yourselves with this cheap lame whimsical sexualised nonsense.

    Go and get a job doing something real so your wife can respect you.

  10. More disgusting cultural Marxism. No good reason for this what so ever other than to get men to start acting like weak cucked bitches squatting to pee as a way to redistribute social power. I say we start pissing on the graves of known communists standing up of course.

    1. Yes, if for some reason I were to ever want to piss on someone’s grave (maybe it’d help the grass grow?), I too would pee on it standing up since it’s unlikely there’d be a toilet seat there.

  11. How many urnals and public male bathrooms have the dividers rusting from splashback. I pee sitting down at home because it’s relaxing. Also maybe because I have a good flowing stream unlike some of these “only stand up betas” I don’t throughly enjoy the thought of piss water splashing out of the toliet and onto everything. Just because you don’t feel it or see it doesn’t mean it’s happening. These guys that say otherwise probably fart bare ass over their food before eating because, “Ain’t no shit on it because I don’t see it. While in the wilderness I usually climb up to the highest point and piss off it just because. Typing this comment out now as I sat down to take a piss. Glad to know there’s another real man out there. Stay hydrated brothers.

    1. Amen, JF. I enjoyed farting on food comment. Come to think of it, there may come a day where some fitness fanatic recommends farting on your food (or others?) it to get more positive bacteria in your diet.

  12. My toilet is definitely cleaner than yours because I sit down but when I’m out I stand up. No brainer, it’s an issue of cleanliness and commonsense.

  13. Im here to say i can count on 1 hand how many times ive missed the sweet spot behind the pool and those times arent even my fault really, thats either because A, I was drunk and tried my luck or B, the notorious double stream. I dont get a speck of piss anywhere but in the toilet i think, it takes no time to take a leak so its really just a hastle to sit down, so no point. Save myself for the number 2’s lol. I share apt with a dude thats also a gifted person and we really dont have to clean the toilet, under the ring. I care very much of mistakes so ive always batted an eye towards the toilet after a piss, always flawless. I even do 3-4 last “empties” sometimes, never missed those i think

    1. Impressive, Notevenaliar. Are you super short (or exceptionally short-legged or well-hung) by any chance? If not, and what you say is true, good for you. Personally, I’d still prefer to sit down to not have to focus on aiming.

      And thanks for reminding me of the “notorious double stream,” which I haven’t had to worry about since sitting down. That definitely was worrisome nemesis back in the day.

  14. i have a black and white stick figure photo laminated on the back of my toilet that has big scissors cutting your wee off if you don’t sit and dangle it in the bowl. which i could upload to show you. but yea!! i am a single gay woman with 2 brothers and lots of boys using my bathroom and everyone comments on it!

  15. I started sitting to pee after being married to a woman who NEVER cleaned the bathroom. I learned on my own that standing causes spatter, whether or not you hit the hole. I went from having to clean the bathroom nearly every day to only having to do it once/week. If I didn’t do it, it wouldn’t get done. Yes, I was married to a slob of a woman. When we were dating, she often left rotting dishes in her sink. Not married anymore, BTW…

    1. Hey Keith. I have to say that while I get a kick out of the comments from the trolls on the post, yours is my favorite yet. Actually insightful but also amusingly colored with your comments about your ex. Your, “Not married anymore, BTW…” at the end when it was already abundantly clear was a cherry on the top. Thanks for the chuckle!

  16. I started sitting to pee at home years ago. I wear sandals and no socks virtually all the time and noticed that no matter how “accurate” my aim in urinals, and given that a urinal provides far more shielding than a toilet does, I could always feel a very fine mist on my feet that was invisible to the eye. It is simply a case of practicality to a avoid spraying the toilet and its surrounds unnecessarily.
    Even if you are the type that never cleans the bathroom yourself, who would be such a disrespecful arsehole to expect their significant other to clean up after them? Only an ignorant saddo Neanderthal redneck sans toilet training who actually believes his manhood is determined by whether he sits or stands to piss and thinks it clever that someone else cleans up after him. Total losers.

    1. Thanks Andy. I like how you specified you wear sandals with no socks virtually all the time. On a related note, I suspect people who wear socks and sandals are the same ones who insist on peeing standing up at home for manhood reasons.

      1. My husband just couldn’t get it through his head that he wasn’t as accurate as he thought he was when standing. My dad has prostate issues, so my mom bought him a UrineAide, which got him peeing straight and preserved his manhood. I got one for my husband – problem solved. He now pees directly into the toilet like a human being, lol. Anyway – it works, if anyone is interested urineaide.com

        1. Oh wow. Thanks for sharing this contraption, Katelyn. I’ll stick to sitting down, but I could see how this could appeal to some. And it’d make a good conversation-starter for guests, too!

  17. A urologist told me that when you pee sitting down your bladder doesn’t fully empty as it does for a woman and that it can cause complications including infection.

    1. Thanks Crom for a reasonable comment amongst all the madness above! Did the urologist say how likely complications may be? I like to think it’s not as big enough of a risk to outweigh the benefits but I stand to be corrected. (Or, will stand if I’m corrected, haha.)

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